Reachville school girl taken

On Friday the  18th of August, local Reachville student, Simone Martin, 17, disappeared outside the gates of the Reachville Community High School.

Witnesses say Simone had just left the school when they saw a blue station wagon slowly edging the curb. They say that "although Simone couldn't be seen from the school steps, they did see the taillights of the car as it pulled over".

"The taillights could be seen for a few minutes", student Councillor, Mr Shifty said, "then the car drove away".

A large Box hedge lines the front of the school, and comes to a stop 50-meters from the gate. Witnesses should've been able to see Simone as she walked passed the hedges on her way home.

She was not seen.

One witness and friend, Mary Allen said, "You know, Sim an I wuz just tex'in, an then she jus stopped. I wuz like, WTF! Sim? An that wuz tha last time I seez er" [sic].

A cursory search along the hedge turned up Simone's phone. It looked as if it had been trodden on, and had a large crack in the screen likely from a struggle.

If you're in the market for a new mobile phone stop down at Mr Durango’s Delicatessen on Leaf Street. Tell him Looney sent you and get 10% off any mobile in store.

This is Craven Looney, enduring another disturbing day on the streets of Reachville assisted by a new assistant, the lovely Seamus Macbeth, back to the minivan, fighting the urge to say, 'I told ya so' as it seems Little Finger had come to Reachville, to both to hunt and gather, local councilors.

Councillors gave a statement last time saying, “It didn't happen in Reachville, it was only dumped here, get on with your lives”, however, Mallow Groves is only a suburb away and of note, all Councillors daughters have been shipped out of country

This is Craven Looney bringing you the news as it happens, almost on time, every time.